When Two Hits You Like A Ton of Bricks 

The little dude turned two today. 

I was prepared for a day of pancakes with frosting and toddler insanity. I had braced myself for sugar highs and nap refusals. I even briefly considered padding my walls. 

Therefore, I was not the least bit thrown off when the day started with him pouring his chocolate milk directly over the new toy I had bought him. Nope. Saw that coming. I was, however, completely unprepared for the emotional punch this Birthday packed. 

My baby’s not a baby anymore … and all the other cliche shit people say. But it’s true and today it hit me hard. He’s a tiny person with a huge personality and abilities that blow my mind. He’s still very much attached to mama. We still struggle with independent play. He’s taking big steps these days but still turning around make sure I’m right behind him. He’s, by no means, marching off to elementary school tomorrow. But he’s not a baby. That’s for damn sure. And today it hit me hard. My days with my baby have passed. 

Is this the end of the world? Hell no. It’s actually the beginning of a whole new world. A new world of fun and a new world of challenges I’m not even aware of right now. But a new world. As I rocked him before bed tonight I found myself wondering how much longer he will let me rock him…. or how much longer I will physically be able to hold him for the time it takes to sing three songs. 

As I remembered the nights we spent up together, I realized how long ago that was and how often I truly wondered if we would live to tell the colic tale. Well, we clearly did. And while he still isn’t gonna win any awards for sleeping well, he’s worlds better. Today’s challenges are… new. Sometimes they feel harder. Sometimes they feel easier. Sometimes they just feel different. Sometimes I’m too tired to feel. Regardless, they feel intense because they’re happening in the now. 

Motherhood took me by surprise and really threw me for a loop. Two years into this show, I sometimes feel like I’ve got it all under control and sometimes seriously wonder who gave me a parenting license. But… two years later I’m still in awe. I made this little human and I’ve managed to Shepard him to toddlerhood. A lovely weekly email this morning announced that my “preschooler” will do a,b,c and d this month. Preschooler. Last week the email referred to him as a toddler. Not gonna lie.. I cried a bit when I read that. 

Gone are the days spent cuddling on the couch.

Gone are the adorable baby food adventures that took place before he staged an all out revolt against normal eating. 

Gone are the days of wearing him to the store and being able to browse without interruption. 

Gone are the days of parenting an infant. 

But…..  there are so many days up ahead of having conversations, exploring the world, learning to count, learning to read, making friends and striking out at t-ball. Wait, can you strike out in t-ball? Or is that what the “T” is for? I’m gonna have Google that one. But, you know what I mean. I know there’s so much ahead but tonight I’m just a tad emotional about how big he is…. he’s my little man. 

Tonight, if he should – by chance – throw his usual middle of the night fiesta – I’m going to hold him a little tighter and embrace the hell out of the fact that he still wants to be rocked by his mama. Because he won’t when he’s 15.  Because that’s weird 🙂 

Tomorrow’s just another day in the life. We have all sorts of crafting adventures planned. I’m certain we will argue about sharing and one or both of us will completely meltdown at least once. We will also laugh and sing and play playdough 45 times. For tonight, I’m gonna soak up the maternal reverie I’ve got going on. Because I can and goodness he’s a love. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s